KMBP “The FUTURE the way WE see it “ Season 5, Episode 3
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KMBP Local News : for breakfast today, I made hash browns with two scrambled eggs – covered in homemade sausage gravy. Anybody who knows me, knows that one of my top three things in life other than getting a blowjob is sausage gravy. It was fucking glorious. Zero for health, a solid 10 for taste. And, for “ Linner “ – that’s short for lunch and dinner, I ate the MONSTER sandwich from Ernie’s Market in Oak Park, Michigan. It has 7 meats on it, mustard, mayo, love spice, served on an onion roll and then Al Davis ate a bunch of meatballs. It was FUCKING GLORIOUS!
KMBP News News :
1. The contest for “ WHO CAN BE THE BIGGEST PUSSIES? “ is between Carhartt & Starbucks and you’ll never guess who won today….CARHARTT!! Starbucks stopped their vaxx mandate, while Carhartt double and triple-downed on theirs.
2. The world’s lid was flipped recently when everyone realized that : ARTIE LANGE OUTLIVED BOTH NORM MACDONALD & BOB SAGET. Dirty Work, indeed!
3. Kamala Harris dropped some major word salad on MSNBC last week : “ it’s time to do the thing that we talked about that time and that time to do that thing is now because now is the time. “
KMBP “ Rapid Fire! “ segment :
FAVORITE KMBP MOVIES
- Back to the Future
- Fast Times At Ridgemont High
- Terminator 2
- Animal House
- Goodfellas
- Hot Dog the motion picture
- WhiteBoyz
- Pretty Peaches ( porno from 1978 )
- Squirters ( porno that Jay told Al about )
- Malibu’s Most Wanted
- Last American Virgin
- The Burbs
KMBP Main Stories this week :
The future as we see it.
The year 2020 Also known as “covid” marked the END of the world as we once knew it. (Before covid) This is what you can expect moving forward. (Since covid hit)
Comic books: these little gems where the birthplace of your favorite super heroes, superman, batman and spiderman!
The future: welp, hope you like gay sex novels cause that’s what comic books are going to be. That’s right first the rainbow then Ricky martin, now the comics are turning gay too!
My future: just cause I jerk off to comic books don’t make me gay. And it’s like they always say, if it ain’t gay…. It ain’t SHIT.
The internet: once a wild west of sorts the internet was a place where you could share pictures and jokes that became known as memes.
The future: after an attack on the internet occurs aka internet 911, the internet will become a place that you dont just log on and find out you have mail and listen to music and some ads. Now You will be limited to seeing only state approved propaganda sites and the things you are allowed to say and share will be limited and censored.
My future: I will be buying CDs to build a collection as well as burning them from my laptop. No holes in YouTube playlists or six minute ads about some hipster bar of soap.
The restaurant industry: “before covid” an exciting pastime existed, where people hoped to give a tip for great service and food and leave satisfied.
The future: with deadly disease on paper money, you pay for your food with your plastic card of credit. At which time you are expected or even forced to leave gratuity, the mark up on prepared food. That is of course you get anything in the empty restaurant that is currently at 25% capacity due to state dictatorship guidelines. And Oh yeah dont forget your vax card!
My future: I will go to the places I know and love. Until the day they want some sort of information my primary care physician would not legally release to any inquiring party. I am glad to go home, fire up the grill and cook high quality ingredients to perfection. Thank you very much.
Bars: here’s the place where you can get drunk, pick up a worn down floozie, take her home and start a family. You can even come back every day for a few drinks when you are distancing yourself from said family.
The future: welp, making people smoke outside was like chopping off the arms and legs off of the bar industry, however, it was but a flesh wound, as drunks are A tenacious Bunch and Will brave the arctic winds For A Puff off the fag. Anyways… now we Stand in front of a bridge to get in and you gotta answer The riddle about the maximum velocity of a hurricane or some shit or show a vax card. What are you gonna do then? You KNOW what you’re gonna do.
My future: I will NEVER step for in a bar with a mask, let alone show proof of vaccine through an app on my phone, vax card or otherwise. Shit, I can find women behind the dumpster at smalls. And who cares about hanging out with women, if I want to get drunk and talk shit, here’s my prediction, I’m going to John’s house and getting drunk at the sand bar.
Movies: back to the future is the best movie ever. It was so good it made two babies and those movies are air tight with no plothles. Also no trannies, homos, sjws, electric cars, vax mandates, or dates with men. Doesn’t the future sound great?
The real future: it’s over with for movies. The heroes are women and or men dressed as women. Want to hear about some current titles?
Ghostbusters- with all women. Not funny
Matrix reassignments- the director is pretending that he’s a woman and did a great job in putting relationship jabs throughout like an angry woman with post its.
wonder woman- if she’s the strongest woman, she’s a man.
My Future: watch back to the future on a loop
Cars:some see it as the way to get from point a to point b. Others see it as a hobby, relaxing pastime, and even a status symbol. Whatever lens you view it through, know this.. times they are a changin.
The future: the pastime of autosports were celebrated from the inception of cars. Passed down from the days of racing horse drawn chariots and I guess even running to the bushes to lay down a fresh log. Whatever the case may be.. gasoline powered cars are dead and with that go the drivers. Self driven Electric cars are your future and like the internet of the future will be a limited thing. Say goodbye to freedom and yellow to carbon footprint tax.
My future: buy the most outrageous gas guzzler on the market, the shelby GT500. TOUTING 760HP and getting you as far as 14 miles per gallon, I will have a carbon footprint the size of KING Kong until the day they bury me in it. I like cars.
“ What’s In The Bag? “ segment :
