KMBP season 2, episode 16 : “ Lovin’ Every Minute of It! :  

KMBP OPENING RANT : Sometimes you hear about an idea and you’re like, ” Hot dog – I can get on board with this! Cops are apparently killing black men at an alarming rate! I don’t agree with this! I want people to know that I don’t agree with this! I want a sign to put on my lawn to let people know that I don’t agree with this! I am NOT racist and I want everyone to know that….especially BLACK PEOPLE! ” If you felt like that about BLM…that shop has sailed! One second after the American Press chose Biden in the U.S. election and EVERY BLM sign is – whoosh! -GONE.  Now be honest, white liberals : YOU DON’T FUCKING GIVE A SHIT ABOUT BLACK PEOPLE. You couldn’t wait to Frisbee that fucking sign onto the roof, never to be spoken about again. Biden is the President now, right? There’s no danger of there being any riots on my street, right? ( Al’s Disclaimer : I don”t need to scream about how I love black people…I’m too busy making 10 new black friends a day…..and I don’t mean on Facebook – I mean in real life! Say it loud….” I’M BLACK AND I’M PROUD! ” )

Do you see ONE African-American person in this entire gathering? I would pay good money to see a black crackhead run screaming into this group with a knife and a rock-hard boner.
This BLM rally is suspiciously devoid of any actual black people. Is this Portland or Ferndale?

KMBP LOCAL NEWS : I climbed on my roof Sunday and all the neighbors watched as I climbed on my roof, secretly waiting for me to fall off. It was just like that sweet Tom Hanks movie, ” The Burbs”. Years ago, I knew this dude who stood on the roof of his Mom’s house and pulled down his pants to show off his dick. He started yelling at the house next door with his cock swinging around in the hot sun and screaming, ” FUCK YOU, MORMONS!! “. That was funny as shit because the house next door were actual Mormons…..and also because his dick was out.

Bruce Dern had the right idea…..FUCK THE NEIGHBORS!!

KMBP BITS : I’m obsessed with the song “ Lovin’ Every Minute of It “ by LOVERBOY and my brother’s new headband.

The rockin’ dude in the middle with the rockin’ headband on gets ALL THE PUSSY. It’s mostly wine-drunk 45 year old women with dyed hair and three kids, but who cares? A blowjob is still a blowjob.
  1. You ever get caught practicing sex?
  2. Super spreader- when I was a kid it was our mission everyday to make contact with a superspreader…legendary.
  3. Isn’t it weird when you see a guy with a big juicy round BUTT? Guys have historically flat butts and should stay that way.
  4. When you go bowling and you choose a random ball, putting your fingers in the holes is the exact same thing as shaking someone’s clammy hand or pushing your dick inside a warm pussy just seconds after some other dude pulled his dick out of it. Ewwwwwwwww 

SHITHOLE BAR OF THE WEEK : Vinsetta Garage – Yeah, super cool having to put your name in every-fuck-where, ASSHOLES! ( actually, Vinsetta has pretty bomb food, but giving a restaurant your name and personal info just so they can tattle on you for supposedly having Covid is fucking weaksauce. Nobody likes a tattletale, fuckers. ) Yo – check out that awesome car in front!

Nobody is born a douchebag. You have to work long and hard to be THIS much of a douchebag. However, I know this guy who knows a chick that went out with the dude who owns that car, and he and her totally fucked in that parking lot. Fuckin’ PARTY.

STORY OF THE WEEK : Turkey : the boring and dry white meat, or the flavorful and juicy dark meat? Al likes the white meat, with tons of gravy on it, while John like his turkey just like his men – DARK & MOIST.

Just look at this beautiful mess o’ meat. It needs a gallon of gravy all over it, and what’s up with the cinnamon sticks on the plate? Weird.

Speaking of turkey, can you deny the power of gravy? I love turkey gravy on mashed potatoes and would love to just sit back and DRINK IT. 

CUNT OF THE WEEK : Greta thunberg, the most unsniffable kid ever. Wouldn’t you just love to punt her in the chops with your clenched fist?

Can you believe this little bitch is SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD? Now that I found this out, I don’t feel the least bit bad for calling her an annoying whore.

COVID COMPLAINTS : Biden tragically IN? COVID magically OUT! Can you imagine if Trump won and coronavirus was over? We wouldn’t have anything to bitch about! Update: coronavirus cured!!!!! Pfizer creates viagra vaccinations!

Hood-rat Joe is just hangin’ out at the liquor store, workin’ on that Covid cure, and takin’ it to da MAN.

CUCK OF THE WEEK : CNN ‘s Van Jones cried like a little girl on a national cable news program. WHAT A TOTAL FUCKING FAGGOT.

My god, dude. I haven’t seen faker tears since I saw my little sister cry when she didn’t ” get a pretty pony ” for Christmas. And what the fuck is he wiping off of his cheek? WHITE HOT CUM?? Fag.

KMBP “ Holy fuck, chicks are annoying “ segment : A self-described “ liberal progressive feminist “ ( blllecchhhh ) author Naomi Wolf wrote a book back in 2012 called “ VAGINA : A New Biography “. Doesn’t that title just make you want to chew your own dick off of your torso? I wanna buy a used edition off this book and read passages from it on the show while taking a hot n’ hearty meat shit.

When he’s not dreaming of sniffing Obama’s dirty underwear, that guy who used to be funny on ” The Daily Show ” has to get drunk while he reads this shitty Vagina book.

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